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Posts Tagged ‘tradition’

Pseudo-tradition left uncelebrated, again

13 Mar

In the years before my son was born (or when he was too little to be aware of or understand what I was watching) a Friday the 13th would have been marked and even somewhat celebrated by watching at least one of the Friday the 13th movies. If possible I would have invited a friend or two to “celebrate” with me if they were so inclined, but would have willingly watched the movie (or movies) by myself. There is no real significance in this pseudo-tradition, just something silly for my own amusement. In the two and a half months since 2015 started there have already been two Friday the 13ths and I have not followed the pseudo-tradition on either of them. That fact is not sad or upsetting or anything. Hell it’s not even really all that odd (I am sure that I have missed MANY Friday the 13ths over the years for one reason or another), but for some reason today it stands out in my mind as just one more “tradition” that I am not “celebrating”.

Why is this something that really stuck out to me today, but didn’t really occur to me during last month’s Friday the 13th? Watching the movies during the day would not have been realistic for a few reasons, but even if it would have worked out I wasn’t really in the mood to watch any of them. Even now that it is night time and my son is asleep in his bed, watching one of the movies would work and the fact that I have been all too aware of the date today I still am not really interested in watching one. I guess on the surface that might not sound all that worthy of mention, but it feels like it is, so here I am writing about it. (I really don’t get me most of the time.)

For as long as I can remember I have been somewhat intrigued by scary movies of all kinds. Call it morbid curiosity, but there is something so primal about a scary movie that I can’t help but be at least a little bit fascinated by. The Friday the 13th series is no exception (despite the fact they get pretty stupid as you continue through the franchise. I don’t go looking for any deeper meaning in the movies and would probably be a little surprised if I was to find out that any of the movies were meant to be some kind of complicated and subtle metaphor for something. I’ve heard all the arguments for how scary movies made around that same time are meant to be warnings for how drinking, sex and drugs are all horrible and will lead to horrible and gruesome end, but I don’t know if I can really believe that was the intent behind the movies. Instead I generally take them at face value and appreciate that more than likely they were movies that were made for the (hellish) thrill of it. Even ones that were made based on true stories. I guess you could say that I appreciate them for the emotional response that they are intended to create.

All of that aside, why is the fact that today is Friday March 13, 2015, but I did not and am not currently watching a Friday the 13th movie sort of bothering me? My day was a good one. Relatively calm (or as calm as it can be with a 4 year old running around), somewhat productive and a much needed day of recovery after a stressful week and before another one begins. Maybe the answer is simply that it bothers me because I knew that today was my only day to really try and relax before being shoved back into the world outside my apartment tomorrow morning. Maybe it is that, as I have said so many times, I have already lost so much because of this unwanted and unwelcome divorce that I don’t want to lose any more regardless of how small or insignificant it may be. Maybe there is no meaning to it at all. It could simply be that this was the one thing that was not work or ex related that my mind could latch on to and try to process. I seriously doubt that I will ever know the truth and that’s pretty much par for the course lately, but one thing is for sure – whatever the reason for the confusion, if any, the day is over and I am still breathing, That has to count for something. (Right?)

 

Ghosts of Christmas Past

14 Dec

For as long as I can remember Christmas has been my favorite time of year (despite the fact that I do not like the cold). As you can well imagine this year is proving to be very difficult for me. I am doing my best to hang on to all the things that I love about this holiday, but do not feel like I am being very successful. My tree is up and decorated. Our stockings are hanging. I have sent out Christmas cards (including to people whose friendship has evaporated over the past year). Have already had a gift exchange with one of my friends already. I have been talking to my son about Santa and we are going to be seeing Santa later this coming week, but I am not really enjoying it like I usually do. I know that is normal and to be expected, but that knowledge does not make this struggle any easier. I am trying to forge ahead and am even trying to think of traditions that my son and I can start to develop (since it is only his 3rd Christmas I could easily get away with starting new traditions), but all I can think about are the traditions that his father and I built up over the last 16 years and how Christmas will never be the same. For the rest of my life Christmas will always be fractured and shadowed by sadness.

I am not able to let go of the memories and I have no control over when they force themselves upon me (again very normal, but they do make things VERY difficult). I don’t know what to do. For so many years (13 of the past 16 years to be precise) Christmas has been all about my husband. Trying to make it exciting and enjoyable for him was part of what made it exciting and enjoyable for me. (His Christmases weren’t very nice growing up.) I am trying to shift gear to focusing on making Christmas exciting and enjoyable for my son, but it is easier said than done. My soon-to-be-ex and I were supposed to be doing that together and now all I can think about is how for the rest of my life I will never have a full and uninterrupted Christmas with my son which means that every year I will be spending about half of each Christmas by myself desperately wishing that my son was at home with me where he belonged.

This year my parents are coming to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (and maybe another day or two) with us, which should be helpful, but I also fear that it will things more difficult by strengthening the reminder of just how different things are going to be from now on. I like it when my parents visit and usually feel like the visit isn’t long enough, especially when my dad is here with my mom (mom is the one who visits the most, it is more difficult for my father to visit because he is still working full-time). Since I insist that Christmas Day be a super lazy day I look forward to just being able to hang out with my parents instead of trying to accomplish a million and one things.

I have been surprised to realize this weekend that most of the things on my Christmas prep list are actually done (especially the things that I can’t help being on the list like stressing over what to do about traditions and what Christmas is going to be like from now on), but there is still more to do and time is very quickly running out. The closer we get to the holiday the more stressed out about it I become and one of my biggest fears is that I will fail to make Christmas something magical for my son.

List of Christmas things to do:

  • Put up and decorate tree – Check
  • Put up stockings – Check
  • Send Christmas cards – Check
  • Debate and stress over traditions – Check
  • Find a time to go and see Santa – Check
  • Go see Santa
  • Buy presents for my son
  • Figure out what to have for Christmas dinner (previously traditional meal or something different?)
  • Worry about failing to make Christmas something special for my son – Check
  • Feel like I have forgotten multiple things for the prep list – Check

I’m in as good a place as I can be for this coming Christmas (without some impossible Christmas wishes/miracles coming true that is). Now all I have to do is find a way to avoid being haunted by my Ghosts of Christmas Past. — sigh