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Posts Tagged ‘single parent’

I’m still learning…

08 Jan

Ok world be advised — my son is not giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time. Let me say that again. My son is not giving me a hard time, he is having a hard time. This applies to anytime he has any kind of negative and/or inappropriate behavior. I am NOT in any way excusing his inappropriate behavior, just trying to remind everyone out there, particularly those of you that are not parents, that children are little humans. Saying that they are smaller versions of us is not a joke and it is not because it is cute of fun to say, but because it is true. Children of all ages are just as much an individual personality and just as emotionally complex person as we adults are. The major difference is that they do not have the knowledge and experience base to be able to appropriately express those emotions like we as adults are (supposed to be) able to do. They have good days, bad days, tough days and down right hellish days like we do and while most adults may not realize and/or won’t admit to is that we are quite often part of the problem and making things more difficult for them. We expect them to have the emotional maturity that we do with not even a fraction of the experience that we have. (Something else that most adults don’t realize and/or won’t admit to is that the majority of adults out there who are a lot less emotionally mature than most of the kids they know. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the general world of politics.)

Like I said, I do not condone or excuse any of my son’s inappropriate behavior, but I am not one of those parents that will immediately implement a punishment or consequence as soon as my son starts to have inappropriate behavior. I will actually give him a chance or two to try and turn his behavior around because I firmly believe that the ability to regain control of your emotions and behavior and therefore regain control of how a situation is unfolding. If he can not (because let’s be honest we all occasionally get so worked up about something that there is no coming back from it) or does not regain control then I certainly will implement consequences, most commonly starting off with a Time Out. After a certain period of time I will go and talk to my son to discuss what happened for him to end up in Time Out and determine whether or not he can get out of his designated Time Out spot.

Now, here is something else that I would like to tell you (if you don’t already know this) — My life is not what I wanted or expected it to be. What do I mean by that? Well, what I mean is that when I was pregnant if you had asked me what I thought my life was going to be like when my son got to be this age the last things that I would have expected to tell you would be that my son was still an only child and that I am a single mom. My ex is (for better or worse) still involved in my son’s life, but as far as he (my ex) is concerned I am the enemy and even just the idea of trying to work with me as a person, alone the other parent is completely unthinkable. No matter what I do to try and take the personal out of this so that we can do what is best for our son my ex is constantly trying to bring all the things that have nothing to do with our son back into the mix just because he wants to torture me as much as he possibly can. What does this most recent piece of knowledge have to do with this entry? Essentially it is this — I am still learning how to be a parent. I have never been a parent before and I am essentially learning how to be a single parent at the same time. My son was less than half the age he is now when his father decided that he was going to force me through a divorce so the majority of his life I have been struggling with major and mostly unwanted life changes and I have been having to come to terms with all of them by myself.

Everything above has lead to this final point of thought — the next time you see a child (or even children) with his/her/their parent(s) and the little one(s) are having the kind of behavior that makes you think “If that was my child…” or give the parent(s) a judgmental glare STOP YOURSELF because you don’t know them. You have NO idea what they have been through, what they are going through or why they are behaving and handling things the way they are. You could be that parent’s best friend in the world and have all kinds of insider knowledge about their life experiences, but you are still not that parent and you have not had to live through their life and there is no one in this universe who has the right to judge the interactions between a parent and their child/children. I can promise you that the struggling parent needs your encouragement support more than they will ever need your opinions and judgement.

 

One of those days…

29 Feb

I have no doubt that every single-parent has many days every year where they are left feeling beat down because they are reminded of just how much they are on their own. I had one of those days last week. My son, as most children his age do, had a huge meltdown one afternoon that lasted for hours and had no perceivable cause. It just came out of nowhere, at least as far as I could tell. My son so rarely has afternoon’s like this that when they do happen I usually feel a little lost and confused. I remained calm and in control throughout the ordeal and did not give in to the tantrum, but as I waited for my son to calm down I was left feeling completely alone, overwhelmed, isolated, beat down and defeated. I remember thinking how I had no support and no back up to help me in the situation and in situations like it. My son is now the only, actual family I have in the area, my friends and boyfriend were all at work (and even if they weren’t I wouldn’t want to subject them to the tirade) and with no end in sight I didn’t know what to do.

I know that my friends and my family love me and they will do anything they can to help me. I know that my boyfriend, BD, loves me and would have helped me in anyway possible if he had been there, but our relationship is still new enough that I would have felt horrible having him experience that. I did send him a text message telling him how I was feeling and what was going on and I felt so guilty doing that. On top of everything else that I was feeling by sending him the text message I managed to add the feeling of guilt to the list. I felt like I was burdening him with something that I had no business asking him to take on. I knew he would be sympathetic, empathetic and encouraging and I really needed to feel loved and supported in those moments, but felt horrible that I was contacting him for that support, especially since he has yet to meet my son. I had been right, BD sent sympathetic and encouraging messages and while they were greatly appreciated I felt even more guilty because I had interrupted his very busy day to tell him how horribly I was feeling.

My son wasn’t trying to give me a hard time. He was having a hard time with something and whatever it was it was too much for him to handle in that moment. He too was feeling overwhelmed by something. I just wish that I could have understood what was so upsetting for him so that I could have helped him better, but eventually we made it through the afternoon. We were even able to have some fun and smiles before the day ended, but for the rest of the day and until I went to sleep that night I could not shake the feeling of being isolated and alone. I wondered how I was going to be able to do this. Being a parent is hard enough just in general, but being forced to become a single-parent just adds to the stress and difficulties of parenthood.

I wish I had the words to express exactly what it felt like, but sadly I do not believe that there are adequate words in any language that are capable of accomplishing such a feat, but those of you out there who are single-parents, regardless of how/why you are a single-parent, will understand the experience and emotions that I am trying to convey. You will also understand that there are no words that can offer the comfort and support we so desperately need and desire in those moments like the comfort of a sincere hug from someone that loves us and that we love and trust. Sadly it is a comfort that we so rarely receive in the moment that we need it the most, if we receive it at all. Instead we are left to our own devices. Left to struggle through and to try and figure out how to make it through yet another one of those days. — sigh

 
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