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Posts Tagged ‘platitudes’

Life’s little easter eggs ©

29 Jul

More and more lately I am amazed at the words of wisdom in my son’s various cartoon shows and movies. I have always been aware that most cartoons carry some moral, even if only on subtle or subconscious level, but lately, or rather more accurately over the past couple of years, I have been hearing phrases that make me stop and think “Wow. That came from a cartoon? I want to remember that.” As a matter of fact I wrote another entry about a year ago that I called ‘Unexpectedly caught my ear‘ that started to address this growing phenomenon in my life. While I would like to believe that I would have noticed these things no matter what I can’t discount the possibility that they are jumping out at me more and more because of the fact that I am struggling through a difficult time. Regardless of the reason or reasons these various phrases are catching my attention the fact remains that they are and they are resonating with me.

While I am attempting to give you the quotes verbatim they may not be exact. There are several phrases that I have heard and liked, but can’t remember them all, so here just a few of the phrases that have stood out to me, in no particular order, are:

  • “Let it happen around you, not to you.” – Ben 10
  • “Mistakes are just little steps you take on your way to learning something big.” – Justin Time
  • “Everyone deserves to be loved.” – Strange Magic

The one that I find myself repeating to most lately is “Let it happen around you, not to you.” This is because I have not reached the point of being indifferent about what my soon-to-be-ex says to me and since he has a habit of threatening and bullying me to try and get me to do or agree to what he wants (his threats regularly revolve around taking as much of my time with my son away from me as possible) I have a tendency to worry and panic. Even if these kinds of things were unusual for him I know that they are fairly normal tactics in a divorce. This knowledge doesn’t stop the fear and panic that grips my heart every time he makes one of these threats. While it may be a strange place to find a motto or even potentially find words of comfort cartoons are as good a place as any to find them. (Especially for someone who has a great dislike of the cliched platitudes that are used way too frequently.) So far it hasn’t been extremely helpful, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t be at some point in the future.

I am somewhat inclined to believe that there is something to be learned from many of the different things that surround, pass through or are just generally part of our everyday lives. Sometime the things that can be learned are good, sometimes they are bad and sometimes that really depends on the kind of person that you are. With so many different things to learn around us all of the time I really shouldn’t be surprised to be catching these – – words of wisdom, for lack of a better phrase, in cartoons and yet I am. I guess it is just a good reminder that we are never too old to learn something, most especially when we were not looking to learn anything and that those lessons can come from the most unexpected places. It would be nice to be able to reach a place, sooner rather than later, where I can not only appreciate the value of things like “Let it happen around you, not to you.”, but also be able to really and truly implement them into my life like I want to. Until then I guess I will have to stick with appreciating ‘Life’s little easter eggs’ ©.

 
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Posted in Wonders & Ramblings

 

Unexpectedly caught my ear

27 Aug

Anyone and No One,

I don’t know if you have ever heard of the (very) short-lived TV series Dead Like Me, but I have loved the series for quite some time no and have recently started re-watching the show for the first time in a few years and today while watching season one episode 2 I heard a brief exchange between two of the characters that really jumped out at me. The exchange took place as follows:

Rube: You like spaghetti, George? I like spaghetti. I like board games. I like grabbing a trifecta with that long shot on top… that ozone smell you get from air purifiers… and I like knowing the space between my ears is immeasurable… Mahler’s first, Bernstein conducting. You’ve got to think about all the things you like and decide whether they’re worth sticking around for. And if they are, you’ll find a way to do this.
George: And what if I don’t?
Rube: Then you go away, and you don’t get to like anything anymore.

I won’t go so far as to say that this is a MAJOR turning point for me, but to deny that this did not stand out to me would be inaccurate.

A few episodes later, season one episode five to be exact, another brief exchange between (the same) two characters stood out to me. That exchange went as follows:

George: Why do I keep losing all the things and people who I care about?
Rube: That’s what life is, Peanut.

Again, I wouldn’t say that it was any kind of major moment or turning point, but again it struck a chord with me. Of course these exchanges have absolutely nothing to do with what I am going through, but today those exchanges were able to grab my attention. As I said before I do not, in this moment, believe that the fact that these exchanges caught my attention is indicative of some major turning point looming directly ahead of me, but I did not want to intentionally bypass the opportunity to acknowledge that something caught my ear.

If I had to guess why these particular sets of words stood out to me I would have to say it’s most likely because they are not the usual platitudes that one struggling through something generally hears. That was, at the very least, refreshing especially for someone like me who hates the tired, worn out, meaningless and empty platitudes. Turning point or not these words, today, resonated with me and that can’t be a bad thing.

 
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Am I wrong?

22 Jun

Self,

It’s true that I have almost always felt off. That I wasn’t quite in sync with my peer group and sometimes just those around me in general, but am I more than just off? Am I actually wrong? For example, someone in the online divorce support group that I joined posted the question “Does the pain ever end?” On the surface it seems like a rather simple and to the point question, but I do not believe that it is. I responded to the question by posting the following: “Only time will tell, but until then all we can do is hold on for dear life.” I thought that this response was just as honest and straight forward as the question itself. Am I wrong?

I believe in supporting and, for lack of a better word, validating other people’s emotions. I do NOT believe in the cliché and to my opinion platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason.” or “An ending is just another word for beginning.” or “All things heal with time”, etc., etc., etc. I believe that there are people out there that may find comfort in those quotes when they are in a time of stress, but for me and undoubtedly for others those quotes provide no support, no comfort, no reassurance and no source of strength. I hear or read those words and what I hear or read are the words of someone who doesn’t know what else to say, so why not resort to something generic that sounds good. This is my response even when the person saying them has gone or is going through a similar situation to mine, so back to my example. The individual who posted the question “Does the pain ever end?” I do not believe that this question is as simple as it seems on the surface. (Then again I don’t believe that such a thing as simple actually exists, but that is a topic for another time.) Responses to this question ran the gamut, but generally stayed on the positive end of the scale. It was not my question, so maybe I should not be irritated by some of the responses, but I was. The people who essentially said yes just give it time could very likely have been wrong. How do they know that this person’s pain will end? How do they know that instead of ending it won’t just turn into some kind of dull ache? That would be a change to be sure, but that would not be an end. How do they know that this person won’t just become accustomed to the pain? Getting used to or becoming accustomed to being in pain does not mean that the pain has ended. How do they know that this person won’t actually continue to feel their current pain everyday for the rest of their lives just as intensely as they do today? The answer is that they don’t know. They do NOT know. They may hope that this person’s pain will end and the pain of their experience(s) may have ended, but that does not mean that they know that the pain that this person is experiencing will end. They hope it will. They want to be supportive and encouraging, but the reality is that they do not know. Am I wrong?

I believe I am a contradiction. I believe in being realistic, pragmatic if you will. Maybe I am too pragmatic at times, but I also respond to things very emotionally. As a result I have a tendency to feel at war with myself. I want to be supportive of and encouraging to the people who want and need that support and encouragement, but because I do not believe in platitudes such as those listed above I will not make those kinds of statements to someone else, so instead I respond to questions of “Does the pain ever end” with statements like “Only time will tell, but until then all we can do is hold on for dear life.” Am I wrong?

I want to feel understood, supported and comforted, but I want that to be sincere. I don’t want to feel like I’m being talked down to or patronized. As a result I provide the kind of understanding, support and comfort that I look for. Am I wrong? I hope that there are others out there who may want or need someone to talk. I hope that at some time in the VERY near future I’ll be able to find one or more of those people because I really want and need someone to talk to. I hope that if and when I do find that other person or people they will understand that even though I may not tell them what is stereotypical that I am in no way belittling or minimizing the pain that they are going through because I am going through it too. I hope that the way I have approached my situation, the way that I search for the support that I want and ultimately the way that I provide support is healthy, beneficial and appreciated. I would like to believe that I am not the only one who feels or reacts this way. Am I wrong?

 
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