Recently I did something that I never thought I would actually do. I’m not sure what if any significance, other than a personal one, that it has but it is something that I am still a little shocked by. I got a tattoo. To some of you that might not sound all that shocking, but as someone who has had a life long fear of needles and as someone who has said that because of my fear I would probably never get a tattoo it is pretty big for me.
I have been fascinated by tattoos since high school and always said that if it wasn’t for the fact that needles are involved I would probably have multiple tattoos. I never had any particular idea of what the tattoo would be, just kind of liked the idea of having one. In the months leading up to my actually getting the tattoo I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would want and why I wanted to get a tattoo. I knew that if I was going to get one I would want it to be about my son, but didn’t want it to be it to be completely straight forward.
As I said earlier in addition to spending time thinking about what I would want for a tattoo I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out why I suddenly wanted one so badly. It wasn’t a completely new thought. I had had thoughts about getting a tattoo off and on over the years, but suddenly I was really feeling a strong desire to actually brave the very sharp, fast moving needle repeatedly sticking me in order to get one. What was the reason behind this desire? I wanted to know that if I decided to get the tattoo I was getting it for the right reasons. I know that I have a tendency to over think things, but since a tattoo is permanent I wanted to be sure. I wanted to get the tattoo for me and not because I was trying to shock anyone or because I was going through some kind of midlife crisis. I wanted it to have actual meaning, purpose and significance behind it.
I was able to talk to a couple of my friends and bounce some of my ideas and concerns off them for additional opinions. In the end I decided on a design and felt sure that I was deciding to get a tattoo for myself and no one else. In addition to being willing to listen to me debate the pros and cons of getting a tattoo (which I have no doubt was a nice break from my stressing over this divorce) my friend Kamria willingly went with me to the tattoo parlor for my appointment. It was so nice to have her there for emotional and for general support and it meant a lot to me that she was almost as excited about my tattoo as I was.
In the end I did WAY better throughout the process of actually getting the tattoo than I imagined that I would. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t comfortable, but thanks to Kamria and my really awesome artist I am very pleased with the results. I’m still a little in shock about the fact that I actually have a tattoo, but not in a bad way. More like it still feels like it is something that someone else would do, not me. Like having a tattoo is outside my personality, but I have no doubt that in time (and probably less time than I think) it will feel like it is something that has always been with me, even before it was visible.
Kamria,
There are so many things that I can, have and will say thank you for, but right now I want to say thank you for not looking at me like I was bat-shit crazy when I told you that I wanted a tattoo, for being willing to debate the pros and cons with me especially since I was really doubting myself and my reasons for getting one (it is a relief to know that if I ever start to doubt the reasons behind the decision I can turn to you to remind me of just how seriously and thoughtfully I made the decision) and for being willing to go with me. As strange as it may sound because of how worried I was that I was making the decision for something other than myself, but I don’t think that the experience would have been complete if you hadn’t been there with me. You really are one of the best friends that I could have ever hoped to have. Thank you.