I has been some weeks since I have felt mentally focused enough to be able to write. There have been times where I have wanted to write something, but have been unable to sustain the required focus to actually get something written. About 3 weeks ago I had one of the most difficult, upsetting and emotional days I have had throughout this nightmare and the result was that I needed to withdraw as much as possible from anything voluntarily social. I still tried to post little things on my Twitter and/or Facebook accounts and as I have looked back over the entries on those accounts over the past 3 weeks I am relatively surprised at not only how many posts I have been able to make, but how, for the most part, they are not dwelling on what I was struggling with. (More and more I am pleased with the fact that I decided to set up those accounts because they do allow me to be able to quickly write about something, in the moment, when sitting down to write at length isn’t an option. I look forward to being able to continue to develop those accounts as this blog continues to grow and develop.)
I am finally getting back to a place where it is easier for me to want to be a little more social. I still have bad days and REALLY fucking shitty bad days, but there are at least a few days where the thought of doing something that I am NOT REQUIRED to do, but does mean that I will have to interact with other people doesn’t make me want to lock all my doors, close all my curtains, shut off my phone and pretend that I am not part of the world for the day. Alas some, ok – ok, MOST of my friends and family have suffered a lack of contact as a result of the extremely horrible day about 3 weeks ago, but they have been supportive and understanding. Thank you.
To anyone out there who has been following this blog and wondering where I have been, what’s been going on and whether or not I would ever post again I want to say thank you for your patience and understanding as well. If you are visiting my blog for the first time then welcome and I hope that you will not only consider coming back to visit on a regular basis, but maybe telling others about it as well.
As for me I will continue to take things one moment at a time, to try and be honest with myself and others about how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way without letting that emotion, whatever it may be, getting the better of me. I will continue to bury my focus in those things that are most important to me, my son, my family/friends, my knitting and trying to be the best person I can be in each of those areas. I’ve made it this long and this far. Every minute of every day has been a struggle and it has undoubtedly been the longest, most stressful year of my life, but I am still here and with my son beside me I will fight and claw my way through the next year as well. I’ve made it this far and hopefully no worse for the wear.