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Archive for August, 2015

Lesson Learned

21 Aug

Ex,

I am under no illusions that the life and man I have loved for so long are gone and not coming back. I also do not believe that we will ever be friends. I don’t know how we could be after everything that you have and are putting me through, but what I don’t understand is why you always have to be so antagonistic EVERY time we talk.You have told me and shown me that as far as you are concerned we are enemies and that status makes it almost impossible to share anything with you. Whether you like it or not, whether you feel the same or not my first impulse, especially with regards to my son and the awesome, amazing, adorable, wonderful, impressive, etc., etc., etc. things that he does is still to share those moments with you and now I can’t.

Last night I watched my son do something that almost brought tears to my eyes (in the best possible way). Something I would normally have called to tell you about immediately. Something that I doubt I will ever share with you because as far as you are concerned we are enemies. The ability to share any of those kinds of moments with you again is just one more thing on the LONG list of things that you have utterly destroyed in my life.

I hate to and don’t want to say ‘I hope’, but I don’t know how else to phrase it, so — I hope that all of this was worth it. I hope that destroying our family and throwing us away was worth it. And whether you want to believe it or not the truth of the matter is that you did throw us away. Just because (and who knows how long you will stay interested enough to continue) you still see my son you are now primarily on the outside of his life and you will only be involved to a minor degree. This involvement in my son’s life does not mean that you kept him and disposed of me as I am sure you have convinced yourself is the case. You have, with both hands, thrown both my son and I away. So I hope that you don’t someday come to realize that ripping us apart was the biggest mistake of your life and I hope that someday it doesn’t come back to haunt you because if and when that day comes I will remember the lesson that you have taught me. When that day comes I hope that you remember that you were the one that taught me that lesson because on that day you may truly learn what it is for us to be enemies.

 
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Posted in Letters to Ex

 

Struggling in Iowa

12 Aug

Struggling Reader in Iowa,

Recently someone that we both know, we’ll call her Ms. D, told me that you have been going through a tough time right now. While I know how little this helps I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling. As I understand it you have been reading my blog, so you probably know by now that I am someone who hates the cliches and platitudes that we so frequently hear as we are trying to adjust to this MASSIVE change in our lives, even so I want you to know that you are not alone and that I can completely empathize with the struggle you are going through.

Am I correct in understanding that you are also adjusting to becoming a single mother? I don’t know about you, but it is an adjustment that I never thought I would have to make in my life. I have only one child and the adjustment to being a single mom has been tricky in ways that I both anticipated and don’t think I ever could have anticipated. Through it all my son has been my driving force. He has been my anchor and my greatest, and at times my only source of comfort. I imagine that most women going through situations similar to ours feel much the same way. How can they not?

I don’t know how much of my blog you have read, but I sincerely hope that it has helped you in some way. If in no other way I hope that at the very least it has helped you feel less alone and isolated, which are feelings that I have been struggling with myself. I do not know everything and I am still going through the process myself, but if there is anything that I can do to help I will.

I don’t want to give you unsolicited advice, however, if you will permit me I would like to say that I know just how easy it is to be hard on yourself while trying to navigate through everything that this nightmare involves. It seems like it is almost a default response, but please don’t allow yourself, or anyone else for that matter, make you feel like you are wrong in how you are processing this. There is no specific time table that you must adhere to and then you have to be ok and ready to move on. You are in the process of grieving. You have suffered a loss that is significant and the length of time that you need to process and adjust to that loss will be different from the amount of time that someone else might need. Do your best to give yourself a break. If you ever feel like you want or need to talk to someone I am more than willing to listen.

You are not alone.

 
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Posted in Letters to Everyone Else